


i'll be here for you, always

by hyucksdream



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst, Feelings, M/M, Pre Relationship, Ronan Lynch Loves Adam Parrish, drunk ronan, gansey is a worried mother, pre trk, ronan can't hide his feelings, ronan misseshis dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-31 17:56:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12687288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyucksdream/pseuds/hyucksdream
Summary: "What the fuck do you want?" Ronan said, but it was lacking the usual venom that came with that sentence. It was tired."I wanna talk to you, Ronan," Adam said, and he knew that his voice was going gentle, and that Ronan would hate it."I know what's going on here," he slurred. "Gansey put you up to this. He knows what happened on this day, so he wanted to make sure that I wouldn't jump. Or swallow a handful of pills. Well, guess what? I’ll save you the worry and tell you that I’m not planning on jumping.”or; the one where ronan is full of sadness on the anniversary of his father's death, and adam is there for him,





	i'll be here for you, always

**Author's Note:**

> this has been sitting in my notes for forever, and I just never edited and posted it, so here you go! I love the idea of the fic but I don't know how I feel about how it turned out. Anyways, I hope you enjoy reading it, follow me on insta, twitter, and wattpad @fivesaucelosers, and leave a comment. 
> 
> Thank you!

Adam stopped running and caught his breath, standing outside Monmouth Manufacturing. When Adam had gotten the call from Gansey, he hadn't been too worried. But Gansey's voice gave everything away. 

Adam knocked on the door and imagined Ronan on the other side, and he wondered what Ronan was up to. 

Gansey opened the door, and Adam could immediately see the worry. Gansey had been trying to hide it, but Adam could see how worried he really was. 

"Where is he?" Adam asked, eyes full of worry. 

"On the roof," Gansey replied, running a hand through his normally impeccable hair. His glasses were askew as well, as if he had nudged them aside and hadn’t even noticed it to fix it. It was the most distraught that Adam had ever seen Gansey. It was unsettling. 

"What?" Adam's voice caught, and Gansey turned to go to the stairwell that led to the roof of the warehouse. 

"He wants to be left alone, but I can't risk anything. I know he's changed, but he still worries me sometimes," Gansey told him. 

They climbed up the stairs quickly, shoes pounding against the floor loudly. 

Once they reached the top, Adam spotted Ronan sitting on the edge of the building, a bottle next to him, and Adam's heart rate immediately quickened. 

Whatever he did next, he had to be careful. 

Gansey sent him a small smile, but worry was obvious in his eyes. He stepped back into the building, no doubt to give Adam some space. 

"Ronan?" Adam said quietly. 

Ronan turned slowly, and once his eyes met Adam's he picked up the bottle again. 

He looked like a mess. Eyes glossed over, red, and clothes rumpled, more so than usual. He wasn't even wearing shoes. 

"What the fuck do you want?" Ronan said, but it was lacking the usual venom that came with that sentence. It was tired. 

"I wanna talk to you, Ronan," Adam said, and he knew that his voice was going gentle, and that Ronan would hate it. 

"I know what's going on here," he slurred. "Gansey put you up to this. He knows what happened on this day, so he wanted to make sure that I wouldn't jump. Or swallow a handful of pills. Well, guess what? I’ll save you the worry and tell you that I’m not planning on jumping.”

Adam bit back a harsh response as Ronan swung his body back towards the street that loomed below, and his body leaned forward dangerously. 

"Ronan!" the word escaped his mouth before Adam could stop it. Ronan ignored him a took a gulp from his bottle. 

He walked forward to where Ronan was sitting and took a careful seat next to him. Ronan was beyond drunk, and Adam thought of how much he would’ve had to drink to get this drunk. Ronan’s tolerance was higher than anyone else Adam knew.

"Are you alright?" he asked. 

"Why the hell wouldn't I be? Because my dad died today? I'm fine. Just fucking fine! I don't need anyone here. I'm fine!" Ronan yelled into the dark night, only a few lights illuminating the sky. 

"Then why are you up here? Drinking?" Adam asked as Ronan took another sip. 

"Because I fucking can. I didn't ask for your criticism," Ronan said. Despite what he wanted Adam to believe, Ronan wasn't okay. He had spent the entire day in bed, and he only emerged for more alcohol. 

"Ronan. . ." Adam trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"What, Parrish? I already told you I wasn’t gonna jump. Tell Dick that I’ll be fine and leave me alone,” Ronan said, staring out at the stars. 

"Ronan! Come here," Adam said softly and Ronan just smiled a vicious smile while drinking more. 

They sat in silence for a while, Adam's nerves on end while Ronan seemed to be enjoying the fact that Adam was so nervous. 

The next time Ronan spoke, it was with a drastically different tone. 

"I miss him so fucking much. Nothing is the same, and it's worse but better and sometimes everything's shit, but sometimes I'm happy," Ronan admitted after he finished the bottle of beer and cracked open a new one. 

"It's okay to be happy," Adam said, surprising himself. He should take his own advice. He couldn’t even count the number of times he had laid in bed wondering if it would ever get better. 

"You know what makes me happy?" Ronan said without any humor in his voice, just honesty. 

"What?" Adam asked. 

"You," Ronan said simply, nothing on his face had enough information to tell Adam what he was thinking. Adam was a little shocked, he had never thought that Ronan would say something that so blatantly pointed out his feelings, but at the same time, it was exactly what Ronan would do. 

Adam knew of Ronan's feelings for him, and he knew his own feelings. He also knew that Ronan would never act on his feelings, but he never knew what to expect from drunk Ronan. 

Drunk Ronan was always different. Adam guessed that it depended on the reason he got drunk in the first place. If he got drunk because he was mad at someone, he would either think of ways to make things right, or to plot how to piss them off more. If it was Gansey, he'd wanna make things right, but if it was Declan - which, more often than not, it was- he'd plot ways to piss him off. 

Right now, Ronan was sad and Adam had no idea what Ronan would do. Ronan wasn't usually sad, and when he was, it wasn’t Adam he depended on.

"You make me happy too, Ronan," Adam said, still staring out at the sky. He heard sniffling and he turned to look at Ronan. 

There were tears sliding down his cheeks and Ronan was furiously rubbing at his eyes, slightly turning away from Adam. 

"Shit, Ronan," Adam said and wrapped his arms around Ronan who leaned into him. 

Ronan buried his head in the crook where Adam's neck met his shoulder. Ronan's body was shaking with his sobs and Adam felt an ache in his chest. 

Ronan never showed anyone how much he was hurting inside. Adam knew what that was like. 

They sat there together, as Ronan let out his feelings and Adam did his best to comfort him. 

This was new to both boys. Ronan never had anyone that he wanted to talk to, to share his feelings to, and Adam had never had anyone that came to him for comfort. 

Adam hadn't ever seen Ronan this emotional about anything, but it made sense that it would be about his father. Ronan had loved his father a way that Adam would never be able to. 

"Come on, let's go back down," Adam said and gently helped Ronan up and they walked back down the stairs together, Ronan breathing deeply, and Adam looking over every couple seconds to make sure he was still okay. 

After a couple times of Adam looking over at him Ronan finally said something. "The fuck you keep looking at?"

"Nothing," Adam said, trying not to sound bitter about it. He hated the way that Ronan masked everything he felt. It made having a normal conversation so much more difficult. But Ronan wouldn’t be Ronan without it. 

"Then stop with the fucking staring, already."

Adam rolled his eyes but walked into the warehouse, Ronan following behind. 

Gansey eyed them and Ronan rolled his eyes, but there was remorse in evident on his face. 

"I’m okay,” Ronan said and Gansey nodded. 

“Good,” he said. 

Ronan walked into his room, Adam following and both of them taking a seat on his bed. 

Ronan closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. "Fuck. I shouldn't have drank that much."

"Do you want some water?" Adam asked, trying to act civil even though all he wanted to do was reopen the conversation about Ronan’s feelings. He felt like he was getting a top secret glimpse into Ronan’s head, and he wanted more. 

Ronan shook his head and collapsed onto the bed. He had sobered up a little, and Adam could see how tired he was. 

"Are you okay?" Adam asked before he could stop. 

"Okay?" he laughed bitterly. "If you call not being able to sleep for more than two hours a night okay, then yeah, I'm okay. I'd say I'm doing just fine, Parrish."

They sat in silence for a while, Ronan rubbing at his pounding head and Adam thinking quietly. "I'm tired," Ronan said to Adam, eyes flicking up to meet his. 

"Okay," Adam nodded. "I'll go. See you tomorrow."

Adam got up and picked up his bag, smoothing his clothes out before Ronan speaks. "Wait."

Adam turned back, looking at Ronan, whose eyes were focused on his lap. 

"Don't go," Ronan whispered and Adam slowly let his bag fall back to the ground. 

Adam knew that he shouldn't stay with Ronan, but he couldn't bring himself to let Ronan be alone. 

"Okay," he said and made his way back to the bed. 

After they had both gotten ready for bed, Adam in a shirt and boxers, and Ronan in just sweatpants, Ronan turned off the light and they laid in bed, not touching. 

When Ronan fell asleep, Adam allowed himself to turn towards him and gently caress his face. Adam touched his lips to Ronan's forehead and fell back, trying his hardest to sleep. 

~

Ronan woke up first. He looked at him and Adam's entwined legs. Adam's chest was pressed against Ronan's back, both of them on their sides. 

For some reason, he had a distinct feeling that someone was kissing his forehead. Ronan had initially thought it was a dream, but it felt different than his dreams. The magical feeling wasn't the same. Ronan shook off the feeling and looked at Adam. His hair was getting long, and he was hogging all the covers, but that was fine with Ronan. 

Suddenly, Ronan's head started pounding, and he stifled a groan. He carefully separated him and Adam, as to not wake up Adam, and walked out of his room. 

Gansey was doing something on his phone when Ronan stepped into the living room. His head snapped up, and Ronan could swear that he saw a little bit of a blush starting to form. "Good morning, Ronan," he said completely normally. 

"My head fucking hurts," he mumbled and sat down on the couch. 

Gansey sighed but got up to retrieve some painkillers and water anyways. 

"You're okay, right?" Gansey asked, looking at Ronan with a look that made him want to throw something. 

"Fuck, Dick. I'm fine," Ronan said none too gently. 

Gansey's phone vibrated at that moment and he stood up to take the call. 

Ronan relaxed on the couch, trying to muddle through his memories of last night. He was upset about his father, he had been drinking on the roof, then somehow, Adam got there? And he stayed the night? Ronan must've been in bad shape if Adam stayed the night for him. 

Ronan's door opened and Adam sleepily walked out, hair messy and rubbing at his eyes. "Mornin'," he said, his Henrietta drawl sneaking out. Ronan felt feelings that he didn't necessarily want to feel. 

Adam took a seat on the couch and put a hand over his mouth as he yawned. 

"Morning, Parrish," Ronan said. It was too early for him to think of an insult to mask his feelings. 

Adam grabbed a mug and made coffee before he seemed to realize the time. "Shit. I've gotta get to work."

Ronan's eyebrow quirked. Parrish was a lot of things, but he hadn't expected Adam to leave without them talking about what happened last night. He thought that Adam would at least make a joke about it or something. Then again, Adam wouldn't make a joke about something this serious. 

Adam finished getting dressed and reappeared, picking up his mug and downing the rest of the coffee. "Alright, bye."

"Nino's after work!" Gansey called out and Adam nodded. 

"We're gonna talk later, okay?" Adam said and Ronan knew that he must've looked stupid and dumbfounded. He was shocked that Adam would say something like that so casually so all he could manage to do was nod. 

"Bye," Gansey said and then Adam was gone. 

Ronan returned to his room, shoved his headphones on, and tried to stifle his growing feelings for Adam. 

His feelings were growing stronger with every interaction he had with Adam. 

He could only hope that Adam returned them.


End file.
